sweet divide, heavy truth
by forgettheghosts
Summary: A reunion, long awaited. A hidekane version of Re: 163.


AN: _I'm having a lot of emotions. This was born out of 1: my absolute denial of Kaneki and Touka happening and 2: my disbelief that upon hearing Hide was alive, Kaneki would first... go on a tour? Before seeing him? wtf? Depending on what happens in upcoming chapters, I may attempt to do a semi-weekly hidekane version of events. The denial runneth deep in me.  
Side note, I whole heartedly believe that Tsukiyama calls Kaneki ridiculous french pet names, so that gets mentioned. That's the only implication of past tsukikane, and it's pretty blink-and-you'll-miss-it. Tsukiyama is the type to call his ex by increasingly sarcastic pet names.  
LASTLY: I listened to this on repeat while writing, because it works too well for hidekane, especially with recent developments. It's also where the title is from.  
Okay, I'll stop now._

"He's… Hide is…" Kaneki tried and failed to speak.

 _Alive. Hide is alive._

Touka nodded, smiling softly. "He helped get the CCG and Goat to work together. He's been waiting to see you."

Kaneki felt as though he could hardly breath. The twisting in his gut went beyond the damage that his transformation had done.

 _Alive._

"I need- I need to see him."

Touka nodded. "Come on. He should be around somewhere near by."

Helping him stand and steady himself, Touka led him out of the room, much to the chagrin of Tsukiyama, who thought Kaneki should stay in bed "for at least a few hours, please, _mon petit chou._ "

Kaneki couldn't help but gaze around at the destruction around him when the two of them left the building.

 _I did this. I caused this._

Touka led him a few minutes away, to a temporary tent shelter. Touka walked up and swept the front flap aside. "Nagachika?"

"He's back here!" A woman's voice sounded. There was a short pause; "He says he'll be there in a minute!"

From the smell of antiseptic and the white cots along the sides of the tent, Kaneki gathered that this was a temporary clinic. "Did he get hurt?" Kaneki asked Touka.

 _Did I hurt him?_ The obvious question went unsaid. Touka glanced at him, then quickly away. He had rarely known Touka to be uncomfortable, which could only mean that something bad had happened. The sick feeling in his gut grew.

"I'll… let him tell you." Touka finally replied.

Kaneki stared at her for a moment but decided not to push.

After a couple of minutes, a woman in a pair of blue scrubs emerged from the curtained off area at the back of the tent. "There, all done. I'm due for lunch break, so you two can go ahead and use the back room to catch up. He's been so excited, I'm going to need a new notepad."

Kaneki raised an eyebrow at that nonsensical statement as the nurse left the tent. Touka looked unsure what to do for a moment, but eventually she squeezed his shoulder, then followed the nurse outside.

Turning back around, Kaneki took a deep breath. This was, by all accounts, a miracle. He had thought Hide was dead- he was sure of it. Since regaining his memory, how many times had he lain awake, wondering what it would be like if Hide was alive?

Unbidden, memories of that night in the sewers came back to him,

 _"_ _Kaneki, you have to live."_

 _"_ _Live, Kaneki. Eat me. Live. Fight, one more time."_

But if Hide was alive, that meant he hadn't, right? He couldn't see himself doing that. Even when he had been starving and rabid, he had stopped himself before he could eat Hide.

Right?

Reaching the back of the room, he pulled aside the curtain that separated the back of the tent from the main area.

There, hunched over in a chair in the centre of the area, was a familiar head of bleached blonde hair. It turned, and Kaneki was faced with….

Less face the he had been expected.

It was Hide- he knew it was. He would know Hide anywhere, anytime, any place, any shape. He just wasn't sure why he had a green bandanna wrapped around the bottom half of his face.

Hide's eyes scrunched with what had to be a smile, and he gave a little peace-sign-wave. " _Yo, Kaneki."_

"Hide…."

Kaneki felt tears begin to fall down his cheeks. He wanted to move forward, to reach for him, but he couldn't seem to move.

"How are you alive? You were dead, I remembered you dying. How are you here?"

" _He he…. I'm not so easy to kill! I had to come dig you out of whatever that big thing was, right?"_

"Your voice-" Kaneki reached out and Hide jerked backwards.

Hide's hand moved towards his throat. " _Right, the CCG hooked me up with a voice prosthetic. Pretty cool, right? Way faster then writing everything down. Plus, you know how bad I am with foreign languages, so I didn't want to learn to sign."_

Prosthetic? "Hide, why do you need a prosthetic?"

Hide's eyes widened for a moment, then softened. "I wasn't sure if you remembered. I guess not."

"Remember?"

Hide's hands reached around the back of his head. " _Kaneki, I want you to know, I'm not angry. I made my choices, and I shouldn't have made it out anyway. I'd already been shot, and stabbed, plus the sewer water- So, it's not your fault, okay?"_

With a few twists of his hands, Hide removed that bandanna from around his face.

Kaneki gasped, and raised a hand to his own face.

The lower left side of Hide's face was- gone. The flesh where his cheek should have been was gouged out and sunken, the scar tissue shiny and pink. Half of his mouth was gone, with what looked like latex coverings where the rest of his lips should have been. There were deep gouges down his neck and across his throat, and what looked like-

Bite marks.

It looked like he had been ripped apart by the fangs of an animal.

 _I did this._

 _"_ _I see you wanting to apologize. C'mon, I just said I didn't blame you, right?"_ Without the scarf, Kaneki could hear a faint whistling sound coming from the hole in Hide's neck, where a white and blue disc was stuck in place with a clear adhesive.

 _Voice prosthesis._

 _This is my fault. Oh, God. I did this._

" _I mean, I'm not gonna win any beauty pageants, but I got fixed up okay. I don't even need a feeding tube anymore!"_

Kaneki made a choking sound and Hide winced.

 _"_ _Yeah, that sounds bad, huh?"_

"Hide, I- I'm so sorry. I didn't remember, I didn't know, I- "

" _Hey, don't cry. I'll start crying too, and I'll get even uglier then. You know I'm an ugly crier._ "

"You're not." Kaneki choked.

Hide tilted his head. " _I totally am. Remember when I made you watch Clannad with me? Big tears, boogers, the whole thing._ "

"You've never been ugly, Hide. You're beautiful." Kaneki said, finally meeting Hide's eyes.

Hide blinked, and chuckled. " _Aw, you don't have to be nice. If you really feel guilty, I'll just make you be my eternal coffee buyer! How's that for payback, huh?"_

Kaneki cautiously took a step towards Hide, then another, until they were barely a foot apart. Slowly he reached out his hand, and lightly placed it on Hide's scarred cheek.

"I'm not lying. You've always been beautiful, Hide. I was just too much of a coward to say so. But I thought so then, and I still think so now."

Hide stared at him, eyes wide. The reached up and pinched his other cheek. " _Ow."_

"Are you… trying to wake yourself up?"

Hide nodded. " _Yup. I think I actually got knocked out by falling debris or something. Or got another infection, and this is a fever dream. Those are always weird. I had one where you turned in a giant toaster and wanted to turn me into a bagel."_

Despite himself, Kaneki snorted in laughter.

" _Are you- oh my God, you're giggling. I can still make the Ghoul King giggle, that's great!_ _I'm gonna film you and send it to Amon, he'll have a field day."_

Kaneki leaned over and touched his forehead to Hide's. "I meant it. You're always going to be the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

Tears began to well in Hide's eyes, and he squeezed them shut. " _Aw, see? I told you I'd start crying._ "

Kaneki smiled softly. "Hide, can I- "

Before he could finish, Hide leaned in and pressed his lips to Kaneki's. It was a little awkward to estimate the amount of pressure to use, and Kaneki ended up mainly kissing the right side of his mouth, afraid of disturbing the latex covering the left side.

But, still. It was a kiss that felt like coming home after a long, long time.

" _I didn't make it this far to not do that."_ Hide said, finally breaking away with a smile. " _And I'm not planning on going anywhere, if you'll let me stay by your side._ "

Kaneki smiled again.

"I can't imagine you anywhere else."


End file.
